Confusing Chinese Names
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller :! No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone!
But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller : Well... just t ell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgen t matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
======================================================
This is hilarious ...
Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:
Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl! Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your but tocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)
如果有一天
看父母就是看自己的未來
如果你在一個平凡的家庭長大
如果你的父母還健在
不管你有沒有和他們同住
如果有一天，你發現媽媽的廚房不再像以前那麼乾淨
如果有一天，你發現家中的碗筷好像沒洗乾淨
如果有一天，你發現母親的鍋子不再雪亮
如果有一天，你發現父親的花草樹木已漸荒廢
如果有一天，你發現家中的地板衣櫃經常沾滿灰塵
如果有一天，你發現 母親煮的菜太鹹太難吃
如果有一天，你發現父母經常忘記關瓦斯
如果有一天，你發現老父老母的一些習慣不再是習慣時，就像他們不再想要天天洗澡時
如果有一天，你發現父母不再愛吃青脆的蔬果
如果有一天，你發現父母愛吃煮得爛爛的菜
如果有一天，你發現父母喜歡吃稀飯
如果有一天，你發現他們過馬路行動反應都慢了
如果有一天，你發現在吃飯時間他們老是咳個不停
千萬別誤以為他們感冒或著涼，( 那是吞嚥神經老化的現象)
如果有一天，你發覺他們不再愛出門 …
如果有這麼一天
我要告訴你，你要警覺父母真的已經老了
器官已經退化到需要別人照料了
如果你不能照料，請你替他們找人照料
並請你請你千萬千萬要常常探望
不要讓他們覺得被遺棄了
每個人都會老
父母比我們先老
我們要用角色互換的心情去照料他
才會有耐心、才不會有怨言
當父母不能料理自己的時候，為人子女要警覺，
他們可能會大小便失禁、可能會很多事都做不好，
如果房間有異味，可能他們自己也聞不到，
請不要嫌他髒或嫌他臭，為人子女的只能幫他清理，
並請維持他們的『自尊心』。
當他們不再愛洗澡時，
請抽空定期幫他們洗身體，
因為縱使他們自己洗也可能洗不乾淨。
當我們在享受食物的時候，
請替他們準備一份大小適當、容易咀嚼的一 小碗，
因為他們不愛吃可能是牙齒咬不動了。
從我們出生開始，
餵奶換尿布、生病的不眠不休照料、
教我們生活基本能力、供給讀書、吃喝玩樂和補習，關心和行動永遠都不停歇。
如果有一天，
他們真的動不了了，
角色互換不也是應該的嗎？
為人子女者要切記，
看父母就是看自己的未來，
孝順要及時。
如果有一天，
你像他們一樣老時，你希望怎麼過？
現在的你，
是在當單身寄生蟲、還是已婚雙料或多料寄生蟲？
你留意過自己的父母嗎？
樹欲靜而風不止、子欲養而親不在
您的父母還有多少時間等您?
如果你在一個平凡的家庭長大
如果你的父母還健在
不管你有沒有和他們同住
如果有一天，你發現媽媽的廚房不再像以前那麼乾淨
如果有一天，你發現家中的碗筷好像沒洗乾淨
如果有一天，你發現母親的鍋子不再雪亮
如果有一天，你發現父親的花草樹木已漸荒廢
如果有一天，你發現家中的地板衣櫃經常沾滿灰塵
如果有一天，你發現 母親煮的菜太鹹太難吃
如果有一天，你發現父母經常忘記關瓦斯
如果有一天，你發現老父老母的一些習慣不再是習慣時，就像他們不再想要天天洗澡時
如果有一天，你發現父母不再愛吃青脆的蔬果
如果有一天，你發現父母愛吃煮得爛爛的菜
如果有一天，你發現父母喜歡吃稀飯
如果有一天，你發現他們過馬路行動反應都慢了
如果有一天，你發現在吃飯時間他們老是咳個不停
千萬別誤以為他們感冒或著涼，( 那是吞嚥神經老化的現象)
如果有一天，你發覺他們不再愛出門 …
如果有這麼一天
我要告訴你，你要警覺父母真的已經老了
器官已經退化到需要別人照料了
如果你不能照料，請你替他們找人照料
並請你請你千萬千萬要常常探望
不要讓他們覺得被遺棄了
每個人都會老
父母比我們先老
我們要用角色互換的心情去照料他
才會有耐心、才不會有怨言
當父母不能料理自己的時候，為人子女要警覺，
他們可能會大小便失禁、可能會很多事都做不好，
如果房間有異味，可能他們自己也聞不到，
請不要嫌他髒或嫌他臭，為人子女的只能幫他清理，
並請維持他們的『自尊心』。
當他們不再愛洗澡時，
請抽空定期幫他們洗身體，
因為縱使他們自己洗也可能洗不乾淨。
當我們在享受食物的時候，
請替他們準備一份大小適當、容易咀嚼的一 小碗，
因為他們不愛吃可能是牙齒咬不動了。
從我們出生開始，
餵奶換尿布、生病的不眠不休照料、
教我們生活基本能力、供給讀書、吃喝玩樂和補習，關心和行動永遠都不停歇。
如果有一天，
他們真的動不了了，
角色互換不也是應該的嗎？
為人子女者要切記，
看父母就是看自己的未來，
孝順要及時。
如果有一天，
你像他們一樣老時，你希望怎麼過？
現在的你，
是在當單身寄生蟲、還是已婚雙料或多料寄生蟲？
你留意過自己的父母嗎？
樹欲靜而風不止、子欲養而親不在
您的父母還有多少時間等您?
Kiasu Jokes...
Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast)one.
Story 2
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (asked Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (asked Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March ... One month one.
Story 3
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song 'Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti' (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that Ah Bengs were actually asking for
the song 'Unchained Melody' by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 4
Santa Singh just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious 'Lee & Lee Law Firm'.
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thought for a while and said, 'Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife.' So Lee KY went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's wife said, 'C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!' So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back and requested for another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire...' When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name.
Lee KY looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, 'What is your new name then?' Santa Singh replied, 'Last name Manga & Surname Lee,!' (Manga-Lee)
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast)one.
Story 2
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (asked Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (asked Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March ... One month one.
Story 3
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song 'Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti' (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that Ah Bengs were actually asking for
the song 'Unchained Melody' by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 4
Santa Singh just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious 'Lee & Lee Law Firm'.
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thought for a while and said, 'Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife.' So Lee KY went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's wife said, 'C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!' So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back and requested for another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire...' When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name.
Lee KY looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, 'What is your new name then?' Santa Singh replied, 'Last name Manga & Surname Lee,!' (Manga-Lee)
Mature jokes - 12 simple Jokes to make you Cheer
1. Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know?"
Girl replied "Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."
2. Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."
3. After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Thai Girl replied: "No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."
4. Women's lives are hard. Morning wash clothes. Noon hang clothes. Evening keep clothes. Nite iron clothes. Midnight take off clothes. After midnight find clothes.
5. To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it. To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True? Threading a needle is not easy.
6. Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.
7. A Sad story. A woman's husband died & she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said
"Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."
8. Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl you will get one."
Girl: "But mom what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many!"
9. A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties."
10. Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."
11. Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."
12. Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world
is a PENIS. This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought .
Mom asked "How do you know?"
Girl replied "Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."
2. Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."
3. After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Thai Girl replied: "No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."
4. Women's lives are hard. Morning wash clothes. Noon hang clothes. Evening keep clothes. Nite iron clothes. Midnight take off clothes. After midnight find clothes.
5. To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it. To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True? Threading a needle is not easy.
6. Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.
7. A Sad story. A woman's husband died & she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said
"Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."
8. Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl you will get one."
Girl: "But mom what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many!"
9. A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties."
10. Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."
11. Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."
12. Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world
is a PENIS. This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought .
DIABETES TREATMENT
Please note that another name for Lady Finger (Bhindi ) is " OKURA ".
Last month in one of TV program I learnt of a treatment of Sugar (Diabetes).
Since I am diabetic, I tried it and it was very useful and my Sugar is in control now.
In fact I have already reduced my medicine. Take two pieces of Lady Finger (Bhindi) and remove/cut both ends of each piece.
Also put a small cut in the middle and put these two pieces in glass of water. Cover the glass and keep it at room temperature during night.
Early morning, before breakfast simply remove two pieces of lady finger (bhindi) from the glass and drink that water.
Keep doing it on daily basis.
Within two weeks, you will see remarkable results in reduction of your SUGAR.
My sister has got rid of her diabetes. She was on Insulin for a few years, but after taking the lady fingers every morning for a few months,
she has stopped Insulin but continues to take the lady fingers every day.
But she chops the lady fingers into fine pieces in the night, adds the water and drinks it all up the next morning.
Please. try it as it will not do you any harm even if it does not do much good to you, but U have to keep taking it for a few months before U see results, as most
cases might be chronic.
Mother & Daughter BANNED from DISNEYLAND
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER BANNED FOR LIFE
FROM DISNEYLAND
this has got to be one of the funniest things
going around ............wonder
where they got the NERVE?
Men Are Hard To Please男人很难取悦!!
The problems with GUYS:
男人的问题是：
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
如果妳对他好，他说妳爱上他了．
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
对他不好，他说妳骄傲．
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
如果妳穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他．
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
如果不，他说妳是乡下来的
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
如果妳跟他理论，他说妳固执
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
如果妳沉默，他说妳没大脑！
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
如果妳比他聪明，他说那是小聪明
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
如果妳不爱他，他想拥有妳
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
如果妳爱他，他试着离开妳．
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;
如果妳不跟他做爱，他说妳不爱他
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
如果妳告诉他妳的问题，他说妳麻烦
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
如果不，他说妳不信任他
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
如果妳骂他，妳好象他奶妈
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
如果他骂妳，是表示他'关心'妳
If u BREAK yourPROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
如果妳没有守承诺，妳就是不可信的人
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
如果妳吸烟，妳是坏女孩
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
如果他吸烟，他是绅士
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
如果妳考试成绩好，他说是运气
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
如果他考得好，他说是实力！
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
如果妳伤害了他，表示妳很残忍
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
&nsp; 如果他伤害了妳，表示妳太敏感而且太难取悦！
SO HARD TO PLEASE!!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......
如果你寄这封信给男生，他们会发誓以上是不正确的．．
but if u don't they say u are selfish.....
如果你不寄给他们，他们说妳自私．．
男人的问题是：
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
如果妳对他好，他说妳爱上他了．
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
对他不好，他说妳骄傲．
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
如果妳穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他．
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
如果不，他说妳是乡下来的
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
如果妳跟他理论，他说妳固执
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
如果妳沉默，他说妳没大脑！
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
如果妳比他聪明，他说那是小聪明
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
如果妳不爱他，他想拥有妳
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
如果妳爱他，他试着离开妳．
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;
如果妳不跟他做爱，他说妳不爱他
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
如果妳告诉他妳的问题，他说妳麻烦
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
如果不，他说妳不信任他
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
如果妳骂他，妳好象他奶妈
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
如果他骂妳，是表示他'关心'妳
If u BREAK yourPROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
如果妳没有守承诺，妳就是不可信的人
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
如果妳吸烟，妳是坏女孩
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
如果他吸烟，他是绅士
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
如果妳考试成绩好，他说是运气
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
如果他考得好，他说是实力！
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
如果妳伤害了他，表示妳很残忍
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
&nsp; 如果他伤害了妳，表示妳太敏感而且太难取悦！
SO HARD TO PLEASE!!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......
如果你寄这封信给男生，他们会发誓以上是不正确的．．
but if u don't they say u are selfish.....
如果你不寄给他们，他们说妳自私．．
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