Before and after marriage




Before marriage......


He: Yes. At last.. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....

Simply read from bottom to top.

青蛙

兩只青蛙相愛了,結婚後生了一個蛤蟆,
公青蛙見狀大怒說:賤人,怎麼回事?
母青蛙哭著說:他爹,認識你之前我整過容。

鴨子和螃蟹賽跑 , 一起到達終點,難分勝負,
裁判說:你們來個剪刀石頭布吧!!!
鴨子大怒:媽的,算計我,我一出總是布,他總是剪刀。

狗對熊說:嫁給我吧!!! 嫁給我你會幸福。
熊說:我才不嫁呢,嫁給你只會生狗熊,我要嫁給貓,生熊貓那才尊貴呢!


蜜蜂狂追蝴蝶,蝴蝶卻嫁給了蜗牛。
蜜蜂不解:他哪里比我強?
蝴蝶回答:人家好歹有自己的房子,哪像你住在集体宿舍。

朋友您好,为了你好

朋友您好, 为了你好,请您坐好,用心听好。钱多钱少,够吃就好。

人丑人美,顺眼就好。人老人少,健康就好。家穷家富,和气就好。

老公晚归,有回就好。老婆唠叨,顾家就好。孩子从小,就要教好。

博士也好,卖菜也好,长大以后,乖乖就好。房屋大小,能住就好。

名不名牌,能穿就好。两轮四轮,能驾就好。老板不好,要忍就好。

一切烦恼,能解就好。坚持执着,放下最好。人的一生,平安就好。

不是有钱,一定会好。心好行好,命能改好。谁是谁非,天知就好。

修福修慧,来世更好。说这么多,明白就好。天地万物,随缘就好。

很多事情,看开就好。人人都好,日日都好。你好我好,世界更好。

总而言之,知足最好。这条短信,真的很好,不发给你,是我不好。

发了给你,大家都好!哈哈.! 你说我对你好不好?

Sardar jee

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .


2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.


Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.


Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '


NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton..
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.


In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Chilly Questions & Answers

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

*********

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

*********

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case.
You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

*********

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it!

*********

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either!

*********

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

*********

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

*********

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.

*********

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

*********

人啊!

人啊!
沒錢的時候,養豬;
有錢的時候,養狗。

沒錢的時候,在家裡吃野菜;
有錢的時候,在酒店吃野菜。

沒錢的時候,在馬路上騎自行車;
有錢的時候,在客廳裡騎自行車。

沒錢的時候想結婚;
有錢的時候想離婚。

沒錢的時候老婆兼秘書;
有錢的時候秘書兼老婆。

沒錢的時候假裝有錢;
有錢的時候假裝沒錢。

人啊,都不講實話:

說股票是毒品,都在玩;
說金錢是罪惡,都在撈;

說美女是禍水,都想要;
說高處不勝寒,都在爬;

說煙酒傷身體,就不戒;
說天堂最美好,都不去!!!

當今社會,窮吃肉,富吃蝦,領導幹部吃王八;
男想高,女想瘦,狗穿衣裳人露肉;

過去把第一次留給丈夫;
現在把第一胎留給丈夫。

鄉下早晨雞叫人,
城裡晚上人叫雞;

舊社會戲子賣藝不賣身,
新社會演員賣身不賣藝。


人生是什麼?
只 用 了 4 4 個 字 , 就 把人 生 講 完 了 ...
所 以 人 與人 , 有 啥 好 計 較 的 咧 ?
快樂好相處比較重要啦!

1 歲 時 出場亮相
10 歲 時 功課至上
20 歲時 春心盪漾
30 歲 時 職場對抗
40 歲時 身材發胖
50 歲時 打打麻將
60 歲時 老當益壯
70 歲時 常常健忘
80 歲時 搖搖晃晃
90 歲 時 迷失方向
100 歲 時 掛在牆上

祝大家愉快,好好做人!

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